A little flirting goes a long way. That’s a lesson for you, Hong Kong
“i’m a princess.” So says one of my good friends as she flashes a high-wattage smile at the concierge, flirts a little and explains just how royally she wishes to be treated at his hotel. She’s charming (and it doesn’t hurt to be that gorgeous either) and she gets what she wants wherever she goes.
Another friend creates a fuss. Two out of three meals I share with him are marred by returned bottles of wine and complaints about service. The thing is, he gets what he wants too (although there maybe a little something unordered in those returned meals).
So how do you get what you want? A recent Synovate survey asked affluent Hong Kongers about our city’s service standards and their own attitudes to service. The results were, frankly, a little alarming.
What stopped me in my tracks was not that nearly two-thirds of well-off Hong Kong people think service is better than it was five years ago (I do too); it was not that 95 percent of us are assertive enough to tell service organizations what we expect; and it was not that one third of us think that the single most irritating thing about service in Hong Kong is “rude service staff.”
Rather, it was that only one percent of respondents use charm as a way to get the service they want. What’s more, 100 percent of the respondents who use charm reported that it works 100 percent of the time.
Charm, pleasing or delighting others, works. It gets you what you want. It’s basic human nature. People want to please you if you please them. Charm also makes you feel better about yourself. So why is no one using it? Are we all missing a trick?
The survey told us that most people simply walk away when they are unhappy … and in that scenario no one gets what they want.
When I was trawling the survey results with my Chinese colleague, one possible theory for the scarcity of charm came to light. With that bracing frankness of Hong Kong Chinese, she said, “It’s because we don’t know how. No one here is taught how to be charming to strangers.”
This gels for me. As a committed Hong Konger, I admire much about my fellow city dwellers. If you want something done, do it in Hong Kong. If you want focus and drive, find it in Hong Kong. If you want superb expertise and efficiency, look no further.
But I must say there are not too many organizations here – or people – who charm me. Quirky individualism, outrageous (or even gentle) flirting, and look-at-me banter are far more a Western thing.
Charm may be a challenge for Hong Kong people because it’s looked on with suspicion. Perhaps it comes across as insincere, or even frivolous, to make charming comments to strangers.
The fact is, however, it makes the stranger feel good because it recognizes their existence as feeling human beings.
And what’s the harm in making someone else feel good, even someone you have just met and may never see again? It is a form of giving. And giving makes the giver feel good too. I nearly always tip taxi drivers – even the surly ones – because I like the feeling of mutual happiness when the tip is received (sometimes with great surprise).
My PA tells me she finds it easy to get me a taxi in the morning, even on rainy days, because I am known to be fairly generous with tips and taxi drivers are familiar with my address over the radio.
Flirtation is also greatly underutilized in Hong Kong. when i ask single Hong Kong friends whether they flirt, they loo k as if they have never heard of it
Flirtation – a close cousin of charm – is also greatly underutilized in Hong Kong. When I ask single Hong Kong friends or colleagues whether they flirt, they look as if they’ve never heard of it.
A learned and wise university professor I know was recently ruing his medical student daughter’s lack of suitors. I asked him if she flirted. Make no mistake, this is an incredibly bright man, who speaks English better than many native speakers.
And his response? “Flirt … How do you spell that?”
He had never heard of the word. It was simply not in his vocabulary.
I explained, “It’s harmless flattery.”
Again – “What is flattery?”
His daughter clearly needs to learn, because flirtation not only gets you potential dates, but it also gets you what you want generally – in shops, hotels, wherever.
Also, done well, it is harmless and life enhancing. Who wouldn’t want that?
I’m not suggesting that we all bat our eyelids and wiggle at waiters, but eye contact, a nice smile and a polite request go much further than a poker-faced, dismissive order. And we all might get more of what we want.
